Late Night Jokes: Democratic Convention Theme Revealed

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From: Newsmax.com <newsmax@reply.newsmax.com>
Date: Thu, Sep 6, 2012 at 2:31 AM
Subject: Late Night Jokes: Democratic Convention Theme Revealed

Late Night Jokes from Newsmax.com Headlines (Scroll down for the latest jokes): The Tonight Show With Jay Leno Conan  Late Show With David Letterman The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson Jimmy Kimmel Live! Late Night With Jimmy Fallon The Tonight Show With Jay Leno The Democratic Convention began tonight. What a difference four years makes. Last time the theme was "Hope and change." This year the theme is "Hope you don't make a change." The first two nights of the Democratic convention are at the Time Warner Cable Arena and the big speech by President Obama will be at the Bank of America Stadium. That's good thinking, the two things Americans love most: cable companies and banks. I'm very excited; we have Ron Paul on the show tonight. Unlike the Republicans, we're actually going to let him speak. That had to be rough for Ron Paul. You run for president, you win a bunch of delegates, and not only is he not allowed to speak but he couldn't even sit down because they gave his chair to Clint Eastwood. Editor's Note: Small Group of Doctors Quietly Curing Cancer Conan If you're a donor to President Obama's campaign, you were promised exclusive access to Joe Biden — and for an extra $10,000 absolutely no access to Joe Biden. Chuck Norris said that if President Obama is re-elected it will lead "to a thousand years of darkness." Then he said if Mitt Romney wins, it will lead to four years of extreme whiteness. The Republicans are really going after Obama. They asked, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" Americans said, "No, we're worse off because we never heard of Honey Boo Boo." Bruce Willis may sue Apple so he can pass down his Apple music collection to his daughter. This could be an important case because if there's one thing teenage girls love, it is their dad's music collection. Editor's Note: Exposed: What Are Bernanke and Obama Hiding From You? Late Show With David Letterman Outside it's like 82 and cloudy — like Clint Eastwood. Did you have a nice Labor Day? It's the day we honor the American worker. When I say an American worker, I mean an 8-year-old kid in China. President Obama is spending his free time in the White House making beer, and apparently the beer is so good that the White House is now releasing the recipe. Not to be outdone, Mitt Romney will be releasing his own recipe for root beer. I wish somebody would release the recipe for fixing the economy. Editor's Note: Cure High Blood Pressure in 8 Weeks Without Drugs The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson The Democratic National Convention is under way. For three days in Charlotte, N.C., everything the Democrats do is good. And everything Republicans do is evil. It doesn't bother me. I live in Hollywood. It is like that here every day. Former Democratic nominee John Kerry is going to give a speech about foreign policy. It will be like Clint Eastwood's speech except this time the empty chairs will be in the audience. I hope they go easy on Clint Eastwood. It wasn't his best performance last week at the Republican convention, but he's given us decades of great films. So Democrats, if you're looking to mock Mitt Romney by dragging an inanimate object out onto the stage, why not just use Mitt Romney? Editor's Note: Discover the Single Stock Ben Bernanke Bet His Entire Portfolio On Jimmy Kimmel Live! I no longer recognize Labor Day as a holiday now that Jerry Lewis is not hosting anymore. On Saturday the White House released President Obama's personal recipe for a home-brewed beer. That's how bad the economy is. Not only is our president drinking, he's drinking beer he made in his bathtub. A new study has found that men and women see colors differently. And we also see everything else differently. Women can perceive more than 50 shades of gray, whereas men see a poorly written book. Editor's Note: 7 Signs That Your Blood Sugar Is Out of Control Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Today was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, N.C. They're going all-out to make sure it tops last week's Republican convention. In fact, I heard at this one they're going to have Clint Eastwood yell at a couch. There are reports that nine of the hotels being used for politicians at the Democratic National Convention have bedbugs. When asked what it's like to have to deal with thousands of ruthless bloodsuckers, the bedbugs were like, "Eh, it's OK." Over the weekend, a chef in Minnesota created the world's largest bacon cheeseburger, weighing in at over 2,000 pounds. And if you want to hear what it tasted like, you'll just have to wait until I interview Chris Christie. Editor's Note: Olive Oil Can Act Like a Drug on Your Heart Editor's Notes: Small Group of Doctors Quietly Curing Cancer Exposed: What Are Bernanke and Obama Hiding From You? Cure High Blood Pressure in 8 Weeks Without Drugs Special: Ronald Reagan Tells His Best Jokes. Listen Now. Discover the Single Stock Ben Bernanke Bet His Entire Portfolio On 7 Signs That Your Blood Sugar Is Out of Control Olive Oil Can Act Like a Drug on Your Heart To get these jokes sent straight to your inbox, Go Here Now. This email is never sent unsolicited. You have received this Newsmax email because you subscribed to it or someone forwarded it to you. To opt out, see the links below. TO ADVERTISE For information on advertising, please contact Newsmax Advertising Sales via email. TO SUBSCRIBE If this email has been forwarded to you and you would like to sign up, please click here. Remove your email address from our list or modify your profile. We respect your right to privacy. View our policy. 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