Early to Rise - How to Apologize

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From: Early to Rise <support@earlytorise.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 17, 2012 at 6:24 PM
Subject: How to Apologize

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WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2012

Just Say It If you've done wrong, just say it. Say the words that need to be said. Today, Dr. Lee Baucom, a new contributor, will show you the right way to do it. Craig Ballantyne At the end of your life, all you're going to be left with is what you did with your time, your legacy & your reputation. Anatomy of an Apology By Lee H. Baucom, Ph. D. Over the weekend, a friend and I got into a little "discussion."  You may see it as an argument.  But as modern times would have it, the whole discussion happened by text. (Yes, professionals do still have disagreements.  And yes, sometimes we also make the mistake of texting it.) The whole argument started innocently enough. It was simply a misunderstanding.  I thought one thing was decided, and my friend thought another.  His family acted on what they thought, while my family acted on what we thought. We only discovered the distance we had traveled apart when an innocent text came to me.  I noted in the reply text about what my family was doing, and it went downhill from there. I have many bad traits and places of growth.  One piece of me, that goes back well into my childhood, is that I am stubborn.  Very stubborn.  "Won't budge" stubborn. At times, it serves me well.  At other times, not so well.  In this situation... I am still trying to decide. So, as I held my point and my thinking, stating facts as I knew them, my friend grew more frustrated.  Later, he made some statements that I found rather hurtful.  So, I finally excused myself from the conversation, which led to a couple more barbs thrown my way (at least in my interpretation of the events). I pointed this out the next day and got an "apology" that felt very hollow, which has lead me thinking about apologies.  What makes a good apology?  What makes a bad apology?  What difference does it make? What difference? Apologies are the social lubricant of relational recovery.  When a relationship is bruised or ruptured, a sincere apology can lead people back into a relationship.  Sometimes, even to a stronger relationship. I find apologies to mark the beginning point of a whole new relationship.  It can revive a flagging relationship and preserve a battered relationship. But a poor apology can do more damage than good.  It can serve to reinforce an opinion that the other person does not care, or is not taking responsibility.  It can leave the "injured" person feeling hollow. After all, the other person will say, "I said I am sorry." So what makes a bad apology? An apology that is bad does not apologize for an action or excuses the person from the action. Take, for example, if I hurt someone's feelings and say "I am sorry your feelings were hurt."  That is not apologizing for what you might have done to hurt the feelings. The "sorry" is for the fact the other person feels a certain way. If I say, "I am sorry if you heard it that way," that is a bit closer.  It does address that they might have heard it a certain way, but it still puts the blame onto them.  In other words, they need to hear it differently. Now, just to be clear, these are apologies.  They are "I am sorry"  But they are only apologies of interpretation.  Not apologies for actions. An apology of "I am sorry I said that, but blah, blah, blah" is the next bad apology.  It makes an excuse of why you did what you did.  "I am sorry I said that, but you made me mad" makes it the other person's fault that you reacted in a negative way. People want to be understood.  And people do so by "explaining" why they did what they did. But over the years, I have discovered that the difference between an explanation and an excuse is whether you are saying it or hearing it. Explanations will be heard as excuses, every time, even if the explanation is true. An apology that ends with "but blah, blah, blah" will be heard as, "I am not apologizing.  I am excusing myself." So what makes a good apology? A good apology requires taking responsibility for an action, with no excuse.  Just simply saying "I am sorry that I said/did _____ ." Isn't it interesting that the simple approach is often the best? But notice, you are claiming that you are feeling sorry.  If you are not really sorry, then don't pretend.  That will feel hollow. With a little reflection, you are likely to discover that you did not want to do harm to your loved one.  That leads to that feeling of remorse so you know you really are sorry for your actions.  It is no longer about defending interpretation. Even if, like me, you are stubborn and resist admitting that you may have erred. I am NOT saying that there are times when an action is misinterpreted.  But a misinterpreted word or action tells you there are multiple interpretations. So, you may actually then add clarification.  Not excuse, but clarification. For example:  "I am sorry that I said ____.  I know that hurt your feelings, and I feel bad about that.  What I really meant was ________." It is certainly possible that, at that point, the clarification will not be heard.  In fact, you may decide you simply need to apologize.  Then wait for another time to be clearer in your thoughts. NOTE:  This does NOT mean you must always apologize.  There may be times when what you said or did is exactly what you meant to, even if hurtful.  That is when we often put out the "I am sorry your feelings were hurt"-type of apology. That may be as far as you are willing to go.  But let's just be clear about that:  this is not a deeply felt apology.  It is an attempt to move forward without a change in behavior. So, you want to be sure that is what you truly believe.  After letting your own feelings/ego/stubbornness die down, if you still believe you have nothing for which to apologize, you may find you need to stand behind your words or actions. I am good with someone choosing that.  What I am NOT good with is when folks stumble through an apology, being less-than-clear out of their own need to excuse themselves and their actions.  I am NOT good with a weak apology that does nothing to heal the relationship, even though the apologizer does feel remorse. Apologies are all about ceding ego and admitting to a mistake.  They are about taking responsibility for an action or word that caused pain. Wait.  That can be shortened.  Apologies are about taking responsibility.  No excuse and no manipulation. Rate today's article [Ed. Note. Dr. Baucom is the creator of the Save The Marriage System.  He has been working with individuals and couples to save and improve their marriages for almost a quarter of a century.  During that time, Dr. Baucom has had the opportunity to help over 100,000 couples create amazing relationships.  You can learn more about his work at SaveTheMarriage.com] Just Say It Anatomy of an Apology Enjoy today's essay? With 5 being the best, tell us what you think and we'll do our best to bring you more of it. Rate today's article A New American Dream Dr. Lee Baucom, Ph.D. is a marriage therapy veteran. His educational background is in marriage and family therapy and he has earned two Master's degrees and a Ph.D in those fields. With the divorce rate ever-growing in the US Dr. Baucom saw a need to assist couples on a larger scale. Using his education and experience, Dr. Baucom created SaveTheMarriage.com to reach a broader market. He believes that most relationships are salvageable, though many people opt to take the "easy way out" rather than working on methods to preserve the relationship. Through his website, content and books, Dr. Baucom teaches couples how to make the relationship work, leaving both parties happy, and the relationship healthy. Dr. Baucom, practicing what he preaches has been happily married for 22 years, and he and his wife have two children. Relationships are an integral part of every person's life, both personal and professional.  Learning proper methods to interact with and understand others is vital to live a well-balanced and successful life.

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If you're interested in sharing your product with our high caliber readers, or wish to grow your business by becoming an affiliate, click here. We want your feedback! Let us know your thoughts on today's issue. Visit us at http://www.earlytorise.com/contact-us Copyright © 2012 Early to Rise, LLC. NOTE: If URLs do not appear as live links in your e-mail program, please cut and paste the full URL into the location or address field of your browser. Disclaimer: Early to Rise only recommends products that we've either personally checked out ourselves, or that come from people we know and trust. For doing so, we receive a commission. We will never recommend any product that does not have a 100% money-back satisfaction guarantee. Nothing in this e-mail should be considered personalized Financial Advice. Although our employees may answer your general customer service questions, they are not licensed under securities laws to address your particular investment situation. No communication by our employees to you should be deemed as personalized Financial Advice. We expressly forbid our writers from having a financial interest in any security recommended to our readers. All of our employees and agents must wait 24 hours after on-line publication or 72 hours after the mailing of printed-only publication prior to following an initial recommendation. Any investments recommended in this letter should be made only after consulting with your investment advisor and only after reviewing the prospectus or financial statements of the company.

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The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself

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From: Early to Rise <support@earlytorise.com>
Date: Fri, Sep 14, 2012 at 6:17 PM
Subject: The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2012

Today's the Day Today's another day, so get back on track and move closer to your dreams and goals. You can do it. Don't let yesterday or last week put you off track. You are not the mistakes of your past. You are what you can become. And it all starts with asking yourself a very important question. Craig Ballantyne Remember - If you want advanced results, you must take advanced measures. Do MORE than what is expected of you, not LESS than what you are capable of. The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself By Craig Ballantyne We arrived in Bergen, Norway at 11 p.m. at night and still the sun had yet to set. As the plane descended you could see thousands of tiny islands dotting the crest of the Atlantic Ocean as well as the beautiful fjords. The red sun poured into the airplane. No one said a word. Instead, we just sat in awe of nature's beauty. After posting my arrival to Bergen on my Facebook page, readers provided many recommendations of things to do, including the hikes that we should take. But there was also one comment that stood out. "Wow, you are a lucky dude, wish I could do what you do!" exclaimed Reuben Perkins of Bethesda, Ohio. Now here's the simple truth. He could. You could. Anyone could. It all starts with owning an information marketing business that practically gives you a license to print money - provided you create value for your clients. Do that and you can go where you want when you want to do what you want. You can visit world heritage locations like Bergen, Norway, or teach Liberty and Entrepreneurship to college students each summer like my friend, Simon Black and I do. Whatever it is that you are dreaming about, you can make those dreams come true. You can, as I have, achieve exactly what you want in life. It's possible. And yes, it takes hard work, dedication to a mission and your vision, a supporting cast of positive people (like the ones you'll find in our Virtual Mastermind forum and at the 1-Day ETR event coming up in October). But you can do it. This issue is dedicated to showing you how. It all starts with...The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself... If you've done the vision exercise described at ANewAmericanDream.com then you know where you want to go in life. But if you are struggling to get there then you need to do "The Exercise" that I first learned from Dan Kennedy in the summer of 2009. He told the audience to write down "Where you would like to be and have known you would like to be for some time but aren't." The more specific the better. And then came the hard part... Now you need to make a list of all the reasons you are NOT there. What are you doing that sabotages your efforts? Are you hanging around the wrong people? Are you talking a big game but refusing to take action? Do you have big goals but small priorities? Are you keeping all of your goals and dreams to yourself, so that no one else knows what they could be helping you with? Make this list. It's not fun. You'll need to be brutally honest. You'll need to be politically incorrect. You'll need to be willing to put your ego aside for the moment. You must ask yourself, "Why do I want to succeed? And what am I doing NOT to achieve the success I desire? Why am I acting incongruent with my goals, rather than in congruence with my dreams? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" My friend, Dax Moy, a former British paratrooper and the author of The Magic Hundred, once told me this exercise is called "Peeling the Onion". For each layer of excuses we give ourselves, we must ask why and peel back the real reason. Each time we go a little deeper to get to the raw truth of what is holding us back from success. And just like in the peeling of a real onion, there may be tears, and certainly discomfort. But in doing so, you'll have breakthroughs. Big breakthroughs. You are in fact, superior and deserving of great success, and ironically, it is probably YOU that is standing in the way of this, not anybody else. It's not the government to blame, or the economy, or even the people around you. Instead, it all comes down to internal resistance. Are you ready to overcome it? Kennedy concluded in his presentation, directed at over 150 men and women that had traveled all the way to Independence, Ohio, to hear him speak on the topic of the 7-figure mindset, by leaving us with one last challenge. "Either say "NO" to achievement, OR dig in and get to the bottom of the persistent incongruence between what you say and what you do. It is OK to admit you are not willing to pay the price - and by doing so, that will stop self-sabotage." But if you ARE willing to pay the price, and I know you are, then start peeling the onion. Identify where you want to be and then list why you aren't there. Then take that list of "Why's" and methodically eliminate them as sources of internal resistance. Soon people will be saying to you, "Wow, you are so lucky, I wish I could do what you do!" And they could, if they only had the strength to do the same exercise that you're going to do, and to get out of their own way on the path to success. You CAN do it. It all starts with believing in yourself. You've made it this far. There's no turning back. You cannot have self-doubt. And when you've taken control of your future, made your first sale, and achieved your financial independence, we want to hear from you at EarlytoRise.com   Rate today's article [Ed. Note. Craig Ballantyne is the author of Financial Independence Monthly, a complete blueprint to helping you take control of your financial future with a web-based business that you can operate from anywhere in the world - including a coffee shop, your kitchen table, or anywhere around the world where there is Internet access. Discover how you can achieve the American Dream and your financial independence here. You've never seen anything like this before.] Today's the Day The Most Important Question Enjoy today's essay? With 5 being the best, tell us what you think and we'll do our best to bring you more of it. Rate today's article A New American Dream Dax Moy, a former UK paratrooper and Royal Marine was a self-proclaimed, "lost soul" after rejoining the civilian population.  After discovering that his heart resided in the health and fitness industry he got right to work building his empire.  Dax constructed quite a reputation for himself and is very well known worldwide for his techniques. He shares his vast knowledge to help his clients shape better lives for themselves. Dax also spoke at Craig Ballantyne's first seminar back in 2007 and taught Craig a very important technique called, "peeling the onion". Read more about Dax here: DaxMoy.com

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If you're interested in sharing your product with our high caliber readers, or wish to grow your business by becoming an affiliate, click here. We want your feedback! Let us know your thoughts on today's issue. Visit us at http://www.earlytorise.com/contact-us Copyright 2012 Early to Rise, LLC. NOTE: If URLs do not appear as live links in your e-mail program, please cut and paste the full URL into the location or address field of your browser. Disclaimer: Early to Rise only recommends products that we've either personally checked out ourselves, or that come from people we know and trust. For doing so, we receive a commission. We will never recommend any product that does not have a 100% money-back satisfaction guarantee. Nothing in this e-mail should be considered personalized Financial Advice. Although our employees may answer your general customer service questions, they are not licensed under securities laws to address your particular investment situation. No communication by our employees to you should be deemed as personalized Financial Advice. We expressly forbid our writers from having a financial interest in any security recommended to our readers. All of our employees and agents must wait 24 hours after on-line publication or 72 hours after the mailing of printed-only publication prior to following an initial recommendation. Any investments recommended in this letter should be made only after consulting with your investment advisor and only after reviewing the prospectus or financial statements of the company.

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How To Beat Procrastination

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From: Business Thrival <deniseandjynell@businessthrival.com>
Date: Tue, Sep 4, 2012 at 5:00 PM
Subject: [BTS] How To Beat Procrastination

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Issue # 120 - September 4, 2012 Dear Jorge, Have you ever had a project that you kept putting off because you didn't want to do it or didn't enjoy it? Then, when you finally were forced to deal with it, you had proscrastinated so long that it made your life stressful. Well, this can easily happen to all of us. It is human nature. If proscrastination is an issue for you, then let's change that starting right now. In today's Main Essay, Craig Ballantyne, the editor of Early to Rise and Financial Independence Monthly newsletters, shares how he has beat procrastination. You can do the same by following Craig's suggestions. In the Check It Out section, you will learn how a select group of insiders are busy generating real income in a totally different way than what you would think. Learn about the underground economy and how these insiders have unlocked the mystery to wealth building. In the Quick Tips section, you will learn how you can look better, how to clear your mind, and how to have more fun when traveling. We hope you enjoy this issue of the Business Thrival Newsletter. Cheers, Denise Gosnell Publisher Business Thrival, Inc. P.S. For those of you in the United States like me, I truly hope you enjoyed your Labor Day holiday yesterday. I just got back from a short weekend trip to Mackinac Island. It was a blast. But I ate way too much fudge. :) How To Beat Procrastination By Craig Ballantyne It was a question we've been receiving almost every day since our Facebook Question-and-Answer sessions debuted. "What is the best way to deal with the issues of perfectionism and procrastination?", asked Wendy J. Minutes later, Lukas F. posted, "I'm looking for perfection with the stuff that I do, and that paralyzes the starting process. Any advice to get over the fact that starting something won't be perfect?" And just one day earlier, Mary K. asked, "How do you maintain focus? I'm a polymath, and it can be a challenge to see things through. I struggle staying focused on a single project." All of these questions speak to the same ubiquitous obstacle in the way of success for thousands of Early to Rise readers, and millions of people around the world. How can they beat procrastination? When I look at all the folks asking me for help on this topic, I can't help but think, "Wow, just think of all the amazing accomplishments that would occur if all these people could just beat the procrastination monster. I have to do something about this." Today, the problem is a multi-headed dragon more than ever before, a true mythological hydra. From constant social media updates to email addiction to multi-tasking on the multiple work projects you have, procrastination is easier than ever. Cut off one head and another appears. There are few proven solutions, but they do exist. It takes a little bit of planning and a lot of knowing your strengths and weaknesses, so that you can leverage what works and minimize what doesn't. But one word of warning, be careful with your planning techniques and keep them simple, because too often I see ETR readers turn planning into its own perverse form of procrastination. If procrastination is an issue for you, then let's change that starting right now. Don't wait a minute longer in learning how to tame the beast. Let's start by looking at what I do. The Early to Rise morning Facebook Q'n'A sessions are my favorite part of the workday, but I don't do them until I've gotten one big project done in my day. Each morning I get up and go directly to writing. I force myself to sit at my kitchen table for 60 minutes, practically glue-ing my butt to my chair in order to crank out valuable content each day. For example, this message was schedule to be written between 4am and 5am on Thursday, May 10, 2012, while I was in San Diego at a Mastermind Meeting. The article had to be completed before I was able to head over to "Fit Athletic", one of my favorite gyms in the country, for my morning workout. In order to finish my mission, I forced myself to sit in my chair without the distractions of social media, Internet surfing, or text messages (not that many of my friends are even up at this time anyway – one of the benefits of being early to rise). Sitting in that chair was uncomfortable. I wanted to quit. Heck, I didn't even want to start. But each word typed was a victory. Each sentence a battle won. Each paragraph was a huge step in my conquering the procrastination demon. There was no other time in my schedule for finishing this project. But because I know when my magic time is, and because I understand the power of the deadline, I knew that I would be able to take action and get this done – almost robotically – during the allotted sixty minutes. This is the benefit of knowing your strengths and leveraging them. At first, the words struggled to find their proper place on the page, but the only thing that made writing this issue easier was more writing. That's the big lesson. Action begets action. While millions of Americans go off to work every day, a select group of insiders are busy generating real income in a very different way. These people have no visible form of income or employment. And yet, many of them are able to generate income well beyond what most people think is possible. It looks like a mystery. But that's only because so few people know about their world. This world is something you might call, "the underground economy." Discover how this "underground" economy works and what it takes to be admitted. Watch this "underground" video presentation now. It's what you'll find with all activities that you are procrastinating on. Scientific research supports it. The only thing that helps you overcome procrastination is to actually do the thing you are procrastinating about. That's it. You must take action. You may need to do so robotically. It may be unpleasant, but that's why you're procrastinating, isn't it? Action is the simplest way to avoid procrastination. Get up and throw yourself into the battle. You must know your #1 priority and attack it with great energy. This, of course, is not a magic silver bullet answer. After all, it's not so much that you don't know what to do, it's that you have a hard time putting the knowledge into practice. The solutions are simple. We should get up early, work hard, and avoid things that waste time in our lives. Yes, it is easier said than done, but to be honest, reading another time management book is not the answer. The real answer is that we must force ourselves to do the work. We must avoid the "chattering mind", as Steven Pressfield calls it in his recent book, "Do the Work". It's really that simple. In order to get something done, you must first get started. In order to complete the project, you must do everything that needs to get done. It's not rocket science. It's persistence. How do you end procrastination? Just start. There's no other answer. In fact, that was the scientific conclusion of a 'how to beat procrastination' research study I once read. Don't let information gathering become your procrastination. Don't let planning become your procrastination. Implement more structure into your life and you'll get more done and you'll have more freedom. I promise you. In the end, the decision to move to action comes from what Dan Kennedy so rightly describes as 'behavioral congruence'. This means that you act in accordance with what you want to accomplish. For example, if you say that you want to be on time for work every day, but you stay up well past an appropriate bedtime and you don't have your morning routine planned out, and you hit the snooze button five times, none of that is acting in behavioral congruence with your goals. Frankly, most people just don't think about behavioral congruence. They are reactive, instead of being proactive. You can start to solve this problem by creating a clear set of personal philosophies that guide your life. At the risk of giving you another opportunity to procrastinate, I want you to read the "12 Rules I Live By" here and then create your own personal philosophy list. This list of 'rules' (you can also call them the 'big ideas' for your life) will help you guide your decisions and actions. They will help you live behaviorally congruent with your goals. They will reduce stress and improve performance. Your personal philosophies are the core foundation of your success and will guide you towards a life well lived. The most successful people I know all have their own personal philosophies, whether they know it or not. Make it easy on yourself by writing yours down. These rules for living will help you kick procrastination to the curb and will improve your time management because the list will identify what is important to you. Get started there, and then continuously work to improve your behavioral congruence in all aspects of your life. It is from this structure that you will have more freedom in your life. It sounds paradoxical, but I assure you, the better the rules you have in place for your life, the more freedom you will ultimately achieve. Craig Ballantyne is the Editor of Early to Rise and Financial Independence Monthly. He also coaches executives of companies with sales over $1 million. Later this summer, Matt Smith and Craig will be offering a new virtual private mentoring program for Financial Independence Monthly subscribers. To beat procrastination, Craig suggests that you do the following: 1. Make a simple plan of tasks you want to accomplish for a specific deadline and avoid any distractions that may prevent you from completing your tasks. 2. Know your strengths and weaknesses so you can leverage what works for you. 3. Then take action to get your tasks done so you do not procrastinate. 4. Do the work. 5. Implement more structure in your life so that you can get more things done and have more freedom. Let us know your thoughts on today's issue. Post your comments here. Forward this email to a friend! Business Thrival, Inc. 10412 Allisonville Road Suite 201 Fishers, IN 46038 USA Toll Free: 888-579-9922 Fax: 877-579-9933 © Copyright 2012 Business Thrival, Inc. All Rights Reserved. NOTE: If URLs do not appear as live links in your e-mail program, please cut and paste the full URL into the location or address field of your browser. Disclaimer: Business Thrival, Inc. only recommends products that we've either personally checked out ourselves, or that come from people we know and trust. For doing so, we may receive a commission. We will never recommend any product that does not have a 100% money-back satisfaction guarantee. Nothing in this email should be considered as providing legal, financial, accounting or estate planning advice. While some of the authors may be attorneys who have discussed various legal, business and other concepts herein, nothing herein can be construed to constitute specific legal advice or recommendations. No communication by our company or employees to you should be deemed as personalized legal, financial, or estate planning advice. The social media icons contained in this newsletter were obtained from IconDock.

Twitter Facebook Our Blog Have you ever wondered why some people succeed... while others always seem to fail? If you answered yes, then today's message will be of great value to you. You will learn how to get from where you are now to where you want to be in the future. This short inspirational movie is based on a timeless success principle that has been tested and proven effective throughout the ages to achieve your goals. Click here to watch "The Strangest Secret" It is a real pleasure to be doing your free eCourse and it is brilliant! Although I have a solid established business, I am already thinking about it in different ways. Robert M. [NOTE: Robert is referring to a new business startup and growth eCourse that we recently launched. If you're not already receiving the eCourse, click here to learn more about it.] Body: You should always invest the effort to dress for success, even if you work for yourself or if you work from home. You don't have to wear a suit or anything unless you actually want to, but how you look affects your confidence and your attitude. Have you ever noticed that when you look better, it puts you in a better mood after you look in the mirror. And if you don't look that great, it puts you into a worse mood after you look in the mirror. By making it a habit to dress for success, you will find yourself in a better mood, having more confidence, and often getting more done. Mind: If you find yourself getting distracted and unable to complete a task, take a minute to analyze what is distracting you. For example, if your surroundings are cluttered, then consider working in a room that is clear of clutter so you can concentrate. If you find that the problem is that your mind keeps thinking about the various tasks that you still need to do, then make a list of them and prioritize them. Then, give yourself permission to focus on one of them at a time since you can re-visit your list later to make sure you don't miss any of them. Spirit: When you are traveling on a business trip to attend a conference or seminar, stay an extra day after the event in the host city and tour the local attractions. Your brain has just absorbed a lot of information, so give your brain time to process everything you have learned. Plus, you'll have more fun on the trip if you make some time to do fun things.

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